Have you noticed how hard it can be to ‘get through’ to people who are feeling overwhelmed by such strong negative emotion as anger, shame or fear?
In #Enneagram lingo we refer to these as the ‘Aversive Emotions’ of the three ‘Centers of Intelligence’ (Head, Heart, Body).
Depending on out Type we all belong to one of these centers and when we become stressed in life (=’lose presence’), we tend to feel one or the other emotion more strongly.
More specifically
–Head Types will suddenly feel more fear
–Heart Types will suddenly feel more shame
–Body Types will suddenly feel more anger
The problem is that when we become ‘activated’ by any one of these core, Center Emotions, we lose contact with the rest of our ‘humanity’, i.e. our other two Centers of Intelligence.
We become much harder to talk to, as we aren’t really ‘there there’. Genuine communication can only really happen after everybody has been ‘regulated’.
Ideally we should all learn to self-regulate, but it can also be useful if we
a, notice when somebody that we are trying to communicate with isn’t fully ‘present’
b, identify their likely #Enneagram Type (or at least their Center of Emotion and main Aversive Emotion –Fear, Shame or Anger)
and
c, help them regulate themselves by taming their core negative emotion, avoid ‘time-traveling’ too much (e.g. going back to difficult childhood experiences where Type was formed) and (if appropriate) invite them to bring their other two Centers ‘online’.
You can’t provide feedback to someone, or recommend them new ideas, invite them for any kind of meaningful collaboration if they are only half present for the conversation.
What is your ‘go to’ negative emotion in difficult situations? (And what helps you combat it?)
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Hi, I’m Fatime.
I talk about the #Enneagram, #personality and #coaching.
I help introverted entrepreneurs (edupreneurs, solopreneurs and coaches) become better at promoting their services on social media by understanding and using personality to get more clients.
Want to know more?
1) Follow me on LinkedIn!
2) Follow me on Substack!
3) Message me if you would like a free PDF overview of the 9 #personality Types!
4) Schedule a free Type and Instinct Exploration Session!
